Not all men. The tired phrase that women are constantly met with when discussing women’s issues. You never hear the phrase “not all men” when you are discussing how men are better at body building or sports, only when women talk about sexual harassment. 

No woman genuinely believes every man is misogynistic or a rapist, we do not need that clarified for us. We go day to day surrounded by men who we know would never commit violent acts towards us or other women. What we do need is for everyone, especially men, to listen to us when we come forward about our experiences.  As a society, we constantly protect accused men and shun their victims. Even though we are making a bit of progress with resistances like the Me Too Movement, many brave women are constantly disregarded when coming out with their stories. Famous men like Chris Brown, R. Kelly and Harvey Weinstein were able and are still able to keep their careers. Weinstein was accused in 2018 and was not convicted until 2020. Brown is still making music. Kelly was not convicted until 2022, even though he was accused in 2002. .

Men saying “not all men” in response to a woman sharing an experience with a man does not do anything to help a cause or conversation. All it does is dismiss the traumatic experiences women and girls are forced to live with every day for their entire lives. Immediately leaping to remind women that “not all men do that,” or “I, as a man, would never commit those violent acts towards a woman,” only tells women that the misogyny we have to deal with is making some men uncomfortable. It tells women that those men feel the need to tell everyone that they are not to blame for violence against women. All they are doing is practically asking women to give out cookies and badges for only doing the bare minimum. If you are a man and discussing issues like this offends you or puts you on edge, you are a part of the problem. Pretending this kind of violence does not happen only tells women that coming forward about their experiences does not matter, and all it does is lose them respect. Instead of preaching about how “not all men” commit violence against women, maybe start actually advocating for women’s rights. Go to a protest, sign petitions, and do not speak over women just because their gender causes you to think you are above them. 

Rape culture is a real and serious issue women and girls are forced to face. Being a woman is a battle we have to struggle with every day. All you have to do is just listen. Listening when women share their experiences is the key to learning and growing. Continuing to speak over women will do absolutely nothing. You are not special for not being a rapist. Stop and pause before you undermine a woman speaking about her experiences. We are out of praise and patience.